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1:23 AM
I am bad at leaning
I have tried to be independent
As long as I can remember
When I turned 9
I tried to throw my own surprise party
I thought my family would forget
Everyone was preoccupied
In 5th grade my teacher decided
She did not like me
So I tried to teach myself
I went to the library
And spent hours with our librarian
Going over the math problems
My teacher refused to help me with
When I was 13 I dated a boy
Too old for me
I knew he would leave
And so I pretended I didn’t care
When he kissed other girls
I thought I was showing him
I didn’t need him
I have never entrusted myself
To anyone
But when I’m with you
You grab my hands that tremble
You make me breathe
When I harden my heart
To brace myself from the stings
Of the people closest to me
You trace the lines of my shell
Until I’m reminded that I love
The feeling of your fingertips too much
To stay so protected
Because you are the one person to not only bust through the door, but to take every damn wall I had built up with it
You make it easy to lean on you
ahead